Teaching Your Parents How to Parent You Copyright 2010 by Joy A. Malek Teenagers often tell me about the challenges they face in getting along with their parents. Maybe it's a difference of opinion about a choice you're making. Perhaps you feel that there are parts of your life that your parents don't really understand. Sometimes it's just the way that stress wears on relationships. Whatever the reason, you may find yourself wishing that your relationship with your parents could be better. I'd like to share with you something that I have never seen written about before--which surprises me, because it's surprisingly easy and can have pretty positive results. You may have heard at some point something along the lines of, "Children and adolescents need more positive feedback than negative." What you may not have heard is that scientific studies have been done to figure out how much more positive feedback kids need. The results are: 7 positive interactions for every 1 negative interaction. That's a lot! So how does this information help you? Chances are, your parents aren't always 100% confident about their parenting. Obviously, there is no instruction manual. The books out there on parenting contradict each other a lot. Most parents are figuring out how to do this as they go along, and most parents have their own fears and insecurities about whether they are doing a good job, giving you everything you need, making the right decisions, etc. Just like adolescents need more positive feedback than negative, parents do, too. One powerful way that you can guide your parents along is by letting them know what they are doing well. Being complimented is much more motivating than being criticized, right? When your parent hears from you that you respect a decision they made, or liked the way they handled something, or appreciated their support, you are helping them figure out what does and doesn't work as a parent. Trust me; you will also make them feel like a rock star. If your parents feel supported, they will be quicker to support you. Try this out: For a week, notice when you give your parents negative feedback. Then, find several ways that day to give them positive feedback (remember the ratio: 7 positive interactions for every negative one!). This can be as simple as a hug or an "I love you," but I also want to encourage you to give specific feedback about something they did well, or something you appreciate about them. This is how you can teach your parents how you need to be parented! Back to Fun for Girls ages 14-19